Balance

Divorced and sole custodial parent of my children gives me certain privileges. I make medical and all life decisions on my own. I don’t have to worry about their dad’s opinion.  I do worry about it, however legally I don’t have to.  I can go against everything he wants, if I choose to.  

However, in real life, the one we live every day, his opinion matters a great deal.  It matters to my children. They want their dad’s love, they long for his approval, his acceptance and to hear him say he is proud of them.  This is so evident in my 7 year old.  He struggles every single day.  He tells everyone my favorite color is blue because my dad says boys like blue, the truth is his favorite color is pink.  When he goes to his friends’ house and plays dolls with her don’t tell my dad, he says dolls are for girls.   He no longer wants me to paint his finger and toe nails (something he loves) because dad says boys don’t wear nail polish.    He doesn’t dance at the band concerts because dad is there and dad said NO! Boys don’t spin and dance.     And yesterday it was cold and rainy outside; he had a lazy day in my bedroom watching T.V. , he wore my jewelry all day.  He loves my jewelry.  The bracelets, necklaces, he has his favorites that he would were every day if society allowed.  He looks up at me all decked out in silver and jewels as he says please don’t tell dad. Mom, can boys wear jewelry?   My heart breaks for him. Of course, they can my love.  Boys can wear jewelry and play house and have tea and makeup. Whatever they want to do. Just like girls can play tools, trucks and transformers. He smiles and adds another layer of embellishment.   

Why are people so afraid to let our kids grow up as themselves?  Aren’t we simply to guide them? I don’t think my son is gay because he likes nail polish, pink, skinny jeans, and thinks Katy Perry is soooo hot.   I don’t think my daughter is gay because she never wears a skirt, wears less feminine clothes than I do and lord knows she can’t walk in a pair of stilettos.   They are my kids and I love them.  I love them because they are unique.  

Their dad on the other hand prefers more traditional roles for boys and girls. So when my kids come home upset about something Dad has said or implied; my role is to carefully balance what he has said.  Dad is certainly within his rights to hold his own opinion and I make sure my children know that.  I want them to be strong enough to maintain their choices and opinions even when it isn’t the popular one.  So I reinforce their individuality, show them how much I love them for who they are; all their silly little things that make them a unique individual and a wonderful amazing human.  

Balance. It’s all about balance.