Finding happiness in work

Finding the work you love

Being in love

Can you be in love without having a significant other?  It's a strange question to ask however I found myself giving it serious thought. 

I believe I am in love.  I am dating no one, seeing no one, not even texting or talking to anyone.  However, I experience that euphoric feeling almost every day.  I have fallen in love with life, my life.   Sound crazy? Probably is, unless you are the person experiencing the joy and euphoria. 

Some days when I reflect over my life I am overwhelmed at the number of times life has spilled my coffee and how much of my coffee it has spilled.  40 years old, single mother to four wonderful children (who I yelled at last night and this morning because they didn't do their chores), divorced, filed bankruptcy, survived 16 years in an abusive marriage, no one would describe my childhood as healthy or normal.   Those are just a few of the times life has spilled my coffee and yet I am still in love with life. 

Every single experience has taught me something or changed my life.  The other day I went on a date, it wasn't a blah boring date.  Frankly the guy showed up hung over and put zero effort into making an impression.  The restaurant he chose had poor reviews on YELP yet he couldn't be bothered to check YELP prior to arranging our date.  So we went, the service was horrible with the exception of one young man.  He cleaned the table while we waited, went out of his way to make our meal as pleasent as possible despite the obstacles the manager and kitchen staff were putting in his way.  We watched and observed, I mentioned him to my date.   It just happened my date is an executive in the food industry, he noticed the young man as well.  At the end of our evening, my date approached the young man, asked a few questions, gave him his business card and asked the young man to give him a call the following day.  The young man called, completed an application and is currently being interviewed for a manager position with a major food chain.  

When I look back on that evening, I don't regret anything about it.  Maybe my date wasn't on his A game, obviously he should have made more effort (perhaps he would have gotten a second date) however, because of his choices a young man's life has been changed.  Even if the young man doesn't get the management position this time, he knows an executive in his industry thought highly enough of his character to ask him to apply.  You can bet he will apply again and again until he gets the position he wants. 

Learn to love life... everything about it, the good and the times your coffee is spilled.  Find the good things...they are always there. 

Personal limitations

‘If you accept the expectations of others, especially the negative ones, then you never will change the outcome’ – R.I.S.E. Academy (@wakeriseupnowrise)

Abusers use words to maintain power over their victims. It doesn’t matter what kind of abuser they are: physical, sexual, mental, emotional or verbal – they all use words to control their victims. 

You will NEVER make it on your own

Look at you, No one would EVER love you

If you loved me you would ______

You make me so angry…

Why don’t you ever do anything right?

How many of these have you heard? How many have you believed? How many have you spoken? As a child and as a wife and mother I heard so many things that I thought were a normal part of life.  However, after years of healing post-divorce I realized how damaging those things were.  How those words spoken to me in anger, in bitterness, in whatever misguided motivation, affected me.   I believed them.  When my ex told me no one would ever love me, I believed him.   Honestly, I had a long list of reasons why no one would ever love me.  Reasons I would be single until the day I die.  I was miserable.  Everything on that list – he had provided to me, when he was angry, when he was lashing out.  16 years of marriage meant he knew exactly where to hit and how to hurt me.  He knew where I was vulnerable. 

It was only when I learned to put those words out of my mind.  To choose a different thought process, to choose my own life that things started to change.   I challenge you – carefully review the reasons behind your thoughts.  Think about what motivates you.   Choose the positive.  

Know that:You are GOOD ENOUGH

You are GOOD enough! 

YOU CAN and WILL MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN

You are STRONG enough! 

You love you and that is ENOUGH

BECAUSE you love yourself, you are choosing happiness….

No one can MAKE someone angry; we are responsible for our own reactions… Make wise, positive choices

Taking it in stride....

When things in our life don't go as we plan, how we react to the disruption is key.  Spill your coffee all over your white shirt? Have a wreck on the way to work this morning? Get unexpected test results? Recently diagnosed with cancer? Were you served divorce papers? Did you lose your job?

In my 40 years of life there have been a few disruptions.  Some much more significant than others.  Some I responded to better than others.  

When my infant son was diagnosed with cancer, I confess I literally fell apart.  Well, for several hours anyway.  However, I also realized very quickly that there was only one was through this experience - face first.  You can't make it through a tough situation with your head down and eyes closed.  You WILL fall. 

Keep your head up, literally.  Every night when you go to sleep, make a conscious decision to think about the things that were good.  No matter how small or seemingly insignificant they may be.  I remember days, lots of days when the good I focused on was: I survived, we were still breathing.    That was two things, two good things.  Two very positive things.  Two good, positive things that are basics of success.

When I was going through my divorce, I fought depression. However there is simply no way I could let depression rule my life, I am not a give up kind of person.  I am a fighter.  Every single day.   Breathing, Surviving, Making it through each day became my main focus.   As I slowly healed and grew stronger then I was able to see other good things.  

The most important thing in every difficult life situations is my right, my privilege of choice.  Choose to find happiness, choose to learn from my mistakes, OR choose to hide away, wallow in my misery, make everyone around me miserable.  

What do you choose?  Do you glare at your stained shirt all day and try to hide OR do you simply smile and say Yes, one of those days when the coffee was so amazing I wanted to keep it with me all day.

Make your choice.

100 words on happiness

Contentment, peace, hardship and rough times

It is not always easy yet so worth the difficulties

Spent my life searching

A lot of time looking at others I thought were happy only to discover they were not.

The key was with me the entire time

Time wasted? No it was spent learning

Regrets? None. Everything was necessary to bring me to this point.

Not rich and not in love

Emotionally healthy.

Every day ends a great day.  Not perfect, who wants perfection.

Happiness is everything I thought it would be.

Happiness is my life, my children, my home, my heart. 

Momma Said there would be days like these

There are times when it seems like things are going right for everyone you know, everyone except you that is.   There isn’t a way to escape it, we all have times when discouragement tries to sneak in and steal our joy.   

How do you handle those days?  Do you call in sick, wrap up in your blanket of misery and wish you could disappear?  Do you begrudge the good that is happening to those you know and love? 

It’s difficult to remember that we control our emotions not the other way around.  My grandma used to tell me, Rome wasn’t built in a day.  I would look at her like she was crazy.  Now as an adult I completely understand what she was telling me.  Successful people don’t wake up successful.  There isn’t a success fairy flying around shaking her fairy success dust on people and DING, their life changes completely.   That is how it goes.  Successful people work at it, day in and day out.  They struggle through the hard times, work their way through the mundane times and fight discouragement. 

The key is Successful people don’t give up.  Quitting isn’t an option.  You have heard the saying ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try try again’.  Interesting the saying isn’t ‘if at first you don’t wake up with a golden spoon in your mouth, go back to bed and wake up again’.    No it is TRY TRY again…

So on slow days, the discouraging days when it seems like you are swimming through mud – Stay focused. 

RE-evaluate   make sure you are investing your energy properly

RE-Focus       don’t lose sight of the goal. The journey isn’t always easy but it is worth it.

RE-energize   Take time to be grateful and remind yourself ‘momma said there would be days like these’ I can and will make it.

You haven’t had a day you didn’t make it through yet.  Not one day in your life has been a complete failure – You are still here, still making it through.

A life with no regrets...what do you do if you have regrets?

I strive to live a life without regret.  This doesn't mean I don't make mistake or mess up.  Lord knows I have made a mess of things more than once.  A life of no regret means I learn lessons from every situation, seek personal growth. I strive to improve my emotional IQ by always finding the good in a situation even if it seems to be an impossible situation. 

A life cannot be completely wrecked, without hope of repair and success unless you are dead.  As long as you are breathing, you can turn things around and find hope.  This is an interesting article from The Good Men Project that offers words of wisdom for those days when you feel like giving up:


http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/what-do-you-do-if-youve-wrecked-your-life/

Don't bite off more than you can chew....

It's that time of year when most of us are making New Years Resolutions.  Our promise to ourself that this year will be different.  A quick, unscientific survey among my friends revealed the following resolutions had been made:

1. I will lose weight this year
2. Be more organized
3. Write a book
4. Financial Freedom
5. Be a better parent
6. Exercise
7. Run a marathon
8. Save more money

These are all great goals aren't they?  I wonder how many of them will actually come to fruition.  I noticed that goals were set but no one talked about the steps they were planning on taking to make it possible to reach their goals.

A friend of mine posted on Facebook "Ate a cupcake with no sprinkles. Diets are hard".  While this may make you laugh and she said it in good fun. I realized we should all pay attention.  Diets are hard!  I haven't ever dieted because a diet suggests it is a temporary change.  Instead I make small, manageable changes.  Perhaps for my friend, skipping the sprinkles on her cupcakes is the best first step she can take.  A possible second step, skipping the frosting.  Final step would be skipping the cupcake all together.  If she simply set out to skip cupcakes she would be overwhelmed (maybe she  really loves cupcakes).  

No matter what your goals are for 2014, take a few minutes today to break your goal into measurable, manageable bitesize pieces.  This vital part of making a lifestyle change will go a long way in your success.

*Picture credit - 365thingsaustin.com

Fortune cookie....

A few years ago, well ok honestly its been almost 6 years now, I opened my fortune cookie and it said You will receive your hearts desire.   Oh I was excited.  My hearts desire?  Doesn't everyone want the desire of their heart to be granted? 

I carefully put my fortune in my wallet and made a solemn vow that I would not open another fortune cookie until this one had come true.  

Thus began a long journey to discover the desire of my heart.  I spent a lot of time reflecting on this.  Was it true love? financial freedom? health for my children? my divorce to be finalized? What really is the desire of your heart?

I have had plenty of opportunities to open another fortune cookie but I stood faithful to my silly commitment.  No more fortunes for me until the one I had in my wallet came true. 

My divorce finalized and I realized that was not the desire of my heart.
I met someone, well more than one someone over time, however that was not the desire of my heart.
All of my children have been healthy for several years, and yet I discovered that was not the desire of my heart.
I do not have financial freedom yet however I have also discovered this is not my hearts desire.

This week, I went out for chinese with a friend and I opened my fortune cookie.  After seeking my hearts desire for the past 6 years I had finally been given the desire of my heart.  The funny thing is it was right here all along.  All I needed to do was change my perspective, my outlook and my attitude.  How did I know it was the desire of my heart? Well, it has been a long process but my soul is content and I am truly happy.

Contentedness and True Happiness were my hearts desire!  I am content and free to read my new fortune: Expect Great things and great things will come.

When the hard times come (and they will)....

It's 5:30am, I roll over shut off the alarm and pick up my phone.  I have emails and messages.  My eyes begin to focus and my phone reveals evidence of stalking. 

I will be honest with you, my immediate reaction was frustration and fear.  I have been dealing with this stalker for years. I should be used to this but I'm not.   Every time something new happens or he finds a new way to add stress to my life, I fight a battle with myself.

This post isn't about how to handle a stalker.  This post is about how to maintain your joy even in difficult times

So back to laying in bed and reading my emails.  My heart started racing and my head pounding.  I closed my eyes and decided to begin my day again.   I put my phone on my chest, practiced breathing exercises and after a few minutes when I had calmed I picked my phone back up. 

I read the emails, made a mental list of things I needed to do in response to the emails and then I put my phone down.  I laid it face down, a deliberate physical move to reinforce the emotional reaction I was controlling.  Breathe in and out, evaluate the situation.  Make a list of things I can control and things I cannot control.    I throw away the list of things I cannot control and begin working my way through the list of things I can control. 

Knowing that difference, can control vs cannot control in empowering. It allows me to take the bull by the horns.  Making a mental to do list of the things I can control and need to adjust for my peace of mind.

Once my mental list was made, I was able to set it aside and start my day.  My stress level was low.  The stalking was not a huge issue since I had a plan.  I went to work, completed the things on my to do list and have had a happy, peaceful day. 

His stalking did not ruin my day, didn't set off a panic attack or anything like that.  It was simply, it happened, I assessed the situation, took the proper steps and moved on. 

In the past I would have freaked out. My day, most likely my week would have been completely ruined. By controlling my physical and emotional reaction I gave myself  permission to have a good day and remain happy.